Excuse the major-cliché, but in case you haven’t heard, having a baby is a BIG life-changer. Even though I got an extra nine days to be pregnant with Hadley, I was completely unprepared for how my heart would change in its entirety when becoming a mother.
I’m going to be honest…when Hadley was placed on my chest, moments after coming into the world, my life didn’t instantly change. My heart didn’t rapidly grow. I was still in shock. I was in shock my body let me experience all that I did. I was in shock that there was an actual, teeny tiny person laying on me…that was mine. A baby that I was able to make with my amazing and handsome husband…OUR baby. To this day, it still blows my mind. Yes, I am quite easily amused and amazed by things; but Hadley is the greatest wonder of them all.
I feel that God didn’t instantly magnify my heart’s capacity in Hadley’s earliest moments, because it happens in little bits, all of the time. When she smiled at me for the first time…my heart grew. When I watched my husband make an adorable bath time song to sing just for Hadley (and I watched her delighted reaction to it) my heart grew. It continues to grow every day. I still get spit up on, sneezed on, cried at, and the occasional baby poop even makes many sneaky appearances onto my wardrobe, but I love it all. In those less-than-glamorous moments, I rejoice in the fact that I get to be her mother, I get to be entrusted to raise up a little person and have remnants of reality sometimes mess up my outfit…after all, I helped create her!
A funny side-story/tangent: This weekend, Aaron, Hadley, our little dog, Penny and I went to run errands. We thought it’d be amazing to stop at Peet’s Coffee first, for some delicious iced pumpkin lattes (they are the best…and this is coming from two ex-Starbucks baristas!) As we were almost there, I heard Hadley make a noise in the backseat, and I said to Aaron, “Uh-oh, I just heard her breathe the way she does when she’s about to poop!” Aaron looked at me nicely, but in a total “yeah right!” sort of way. No less than ten seconds passed when we heard some noises to confirm my hypothesis. He then looked at me, bewildered…amazed. “How. Did. You. Know. That!?!” is what I got from my husband. I felt quite amused and explained that when I get to spend my days with that glorious baby, I am sure enough going to know her mannerisms, no exceptions. When we got to Peet’s, I opened the trunk gate and changed her, to find that there was damage past repair done to her onesie. Quite unfortunate, since this was the first time I hadn’t had an extra shirt in the diaper bag. Fortunately, brilliant Aaron draped Hadley’s blanket just-so, to where it looked as if she was wearing a fancy little shawl (her leggings miraculously survived the experience, so she looked quite chic.) We still ran two errands before we finally went to Babies R’ Us to get the nearest and cutest shirt on clearance to get us through the rest of our errands. What I love most about this, is that neither of us were stressed, angry, or overwhelmed by it. Even in the moments at Babies R’ Us where I started to get distracted looking at baby stuff, and Hadley’s blanket started to reveal her cute belly, it was allllll good. We kept a sense of humor about it, and continued to enjoy our baby and the time we had together. It’s moments such as these where (as stated above) my heart grows more in love with being a mother. I unconditionally love motherhood, just as I unconditionally love my daughter…”poopy” moments and all. My hope is that everyone can experience this kind of love, whether with a baby, friend, puppy, or even simply themselves; life is the best when our hearts are happy.